I wish

I wish i could write a guide book to all the things that make me hurt, that i could be ignorant or not feel, or even that i could just disappear or die. I hate my anxiety, i hate the pain it causes, and i hate the way that without meaning it my bf makes it worse because he doesnt understand and says such words that slice through me like daggers and make me feel like im bleeding profusely from the inside. Is it so hard to understand that i like to hear about his day, his job, his life? i dont care about his computer, his phone, his car, i want to hear about him and when i ask why he didnt tell me about something like a business proposal he gets mad and says why does it matter and he shouldnt have to tell me everything. all i wanted to do was be able to wish his luck. but apparently that is too much. is he trying to make me go away so he will seem like the better person for sticking around by making it unbearable for me? i wish i knew i wish he would just be honest and tell me things. i mean i dont think hes being non honest, he just is just omitting a lot, and i feel more and more like an inept idiot every day. i wish...