New Life New Hair

So I am no a red head. I needed a change after (overly dramatic sentence) the love of my life and possibly soul mate left me. His life is in shambles as much as mine, we met when we were both broken and we are still relying on and love each other so it kind of makes everything weird. Oh well, life goes on. Finals next week then nightmare classes for the next term, just looking at my IT book gives me a headache. 

 

 
I start working at Microsoft in ten days and am excited about that, plus my mother is going away for two weeks so I can just relax after that. We will see.

Birthday

Birthday tomorrow and no plans because I am lame. Well Im going to see Batman, but other than that I have nothing solid in place. I am single, he did it 10 days before my birthday, but we are still friends. He is going to be with me on my birthday. I am hoping to have fun.

anxiety sucks

My bf is going to Cali on the 21th til the 26th and I am having the worst anxiety about it. I am not worried hes going to cheat or do something stupid, I mean heck I trust him we've been together over a year and its a family wedding thing.I am more worried about what could happen to him. We honestly have never been apart for more than a day since we met and its kinda killing me on the inside. I am trying like hell to hide it, but he even said the other day ever since I found out about it i've been more stressed and I can feel it too, its not exactly helping my already stressful condition, but I still want him to have fun, I dont know what I am going to do. I am seriously contemplating turning off my phone so I wont bother him, but if trys to get ahold of me he will know I obviously turned off my phone and will prob be pissed because he knows what I am doing when I turn off my phone, my phone is almost never off unless I am with him.


Crap.

Stress of the hopeless

Oh beautiful stress how you make me want to rip out my emotional core and kill it. I am so over stressed that I just want to cry. My social anxiety is taking a massive toll on my life because I cant find a job, so instead of convincing my anxiety to deal and go out and try to have fun my anxiety convinces me Im broke i cant afford it and dont deserve it since I still cant find a job.

Did get a call back last week...just to tell me I am over qualified for the job and that the job is only handed out through employees already there. OKAY so why did you call and waste my time and they hell is your company add up on a job site? I am officially at a loss outside of stripping and prostitution which my bf would obviously leave me over and I dont have the self esteem to do either any ways.  (i know people say strippers have no self esteem, but im sorry you have to think some what highly of yourself and your looks to go out there and out on a good show)

If I wouldnt get locked up for walking around pulling out my hair and screaming at the top of my lungs that is what I would be doing right now, but instead i am here fighting to keep a happy face and trying to keep taers down in place of those silent screams ricocheting off my mind.

Graduation

Had my associates graduation yesterday

losing hope

I am truly starting to feel like there is no hope even looking for a job. I feel like Marshall in the Burger episode of How I Met Your Mother, with the underpants radius and everything. I am even applying to things I don't want to because I would be happy doing almost anything but cleaning toilets at this point. At least prostitutes aren't suffering from this economy. No I am not going to become a prostitute, but you got to figure, they have job security, men always want sex.

Online teachers

I find myself amused when taking classes. This reason is based solely on the teachers. I hate Math, love IT. I could tell from looking over the courses before interacting with the teachers I was going to hate my IT teacher and Love my math teacher. So far OH SO TRUE. my math teacher is cool and funny. MY IT teacher sounds like she has a 15 foot stick up her ass and told me to watch my language because i said growing up without a home computer sucked. SUCKED, wow, omg im so offended im going to cry because I just read the word sucked. Then she posted an announcement saying please follow common courtesy etiquette with language. Im tempted to wait til I get my final grade then go on to the dashboard and just write fuck like 5000 times.

Gaming

I am now working with a great group of people to rebuild a gaming site known as A-Gamer. It's for adult gamers to get together, read gaming news, or contribute to a community of others like you. Right now our facebook, https://www.facebook.com/A.Gamer.Community will work as our intermediary while we take down the old site and purge it, please feel free to like our page and add input on what you would like to see on a gaming site you would join.

New Hoodie!

Life's been boring and crazy, busy and slow. One great big oxymoron to say the least. Finished everything at my last job so im no longer needed and need to desperately find a new one. I thought i was guna get one but  bilingual was chosen over me. Oh well. and then theres the experience conundrum where everyone wants experience, even entry level positions want 1-2+ years, how is that entry level? how am i supposed to find an actual job with crap like that?

School is going decently, minus a few laptop issues. Life is just life. which usually sucks most days :)

The Blue Sky Emporium: Valentine's Day

The Blue Sky Emporium: Valentine's Day: Valentine's is just around the corner and now is the time to stop on by and pick out the special something for that special someone! We have...

Bad Luck

the thing about bad luck is you never say to a person with bad luck it will get better. mines gotten worse. no job, no hear backs, no money, no modeling (PST if you havent already RissaBella Facebook)

broke two of my fave things, im exhausted everyday and yet i feel this urge to do stuff. IT SUCKS.

but good news:

                   

 

...is there anyone there...

Right now more than anything I need a miracle. I need something that is going to make me want to wake up each morning and live through each day. My boyfriend is amazing, but he cant fix what was broken from birth whether or not he thinks he can. I love him dearly and I know my feeling like this hurts him so. But if I dont get a FT job and out of this apartment soon I really am just going to have to be committed because the little sanity I have left is leaking out of me and no matter how tight i try to holf myself together, I am failing.

Modeling Page

I have created a FB page dedicated to my modeling and photography. it is 18+ but you should check it out: https://www.facebook.com/RissaLaBella

set got pushed back to the 24th at 2am :(

Updates and Pictures

So I have not heard anything back on the job yet, which is bothering me, but i will live.

In more exciting news my SG set drops in 8 minutes and I am getting really excited. I joined ModelMayhem and the photographers love me, so I am considering seriously doing modeling on the side for money if I can some day. 
 

 

Make or Break Interview

I have been searching, hoping, and even praying that I find a full time job so I can get on my own two feet, get a car, and move out with Nicholas. Today I have an interview for that job.

When I was leaving Hesser back in December I noticed that they were looking for a new Administrative Assistant so I mentioned it to our Career Services lady who sent me the link. Then I spoke to my Academic Adviser and while he said he knew I can do better, go ahead and try. So I sent my resume with an explanation of how i just left there, love it there, love the people, can do multitasking and dont need much supervision and that I am continuing my education online at SNHU. This was Dec 16. Friday I got the call for a phone screen that i did so well, without her being able to ask too many questions that she scheduled me for today and i am a nervous wreck.  I REALLY REALLYI REALLY REALLYI REALLY REALLYI REALLY REALLY WANT THIS JOB. and i think i have decided on white business shirt black pants, black low heal classy boots because it snowed yesterday.

Okay.Little under two hours left. time to get ready. wish me luck world!

Dont Hate me cuz Im gorgeous hate me cuz im Brilliant ;)

Oh yea bitches I have a 3.72 accumulative GPA Graduating with my Associates in LS with Honors: Magna Cum Laude. Oh and also as a memeber of the Alpha Nu Epsilon chapter of the Phi Theta Kappa Honors Society. And the cherry? I have a job interview for a job i really really really want at 330 tues :)

Continuing moving up

I start classes March 5, taking a term off to myself, and I am now officially a member of the Phi Theta Kappa Honors Society.

I also got my new Tat :)