My bf is going to Cali on the 21th til the 26th and I am having the worst anxiety about it. I am not worried hes going to cheat or do something stupid, I mean heck I trust him we've been together over a year and its a family wedding thing.I am more worried about what could happen to him. We honestly have never been apart for more than a day since we met and its kinda killing me on the inside. I am trying like hell to hide it, but he even said the other day ever since I found out about it i've been more stressed and I can feel it too, its not exactly helping my already stressful condition, but I still want him to have fun, I dont know what I am going to do. I am seriously contemplating turning off my phone so I wont bother him, but if trys to get ahold of me he will know I obviously turned off my phone and will prob be pissed because he knows what I am doing when I turn off my phone, my phone is almost never off unless I am with him.
Crap.
About Me
- Rissa Belle
- I am a self described writer. I intend to get a Masters in Creative writing and be a novelist, after my Bachelors in Computer Info Science with a focus in game development and design. I have an Associates in Liberal Studies. I do a lot of gaming in my free time and reading. I am currently with a phone nerd so I stay relatively up to date with new technology and have a Samsung Tab 10.1, Galaxy S Captivate,Galaxy S II, Nexus S, and a Windows 7 computer. I prefer xbox to play station and I love piercings and tattoos. I have 5 tats and 10 piercings (including ears).
Monday, June 18, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Stress of the hopeless
Oh beautiful stress how you make me want to rip out my emotional core and kill it. I am so over stressed that I just want to cry. My social anxiety is taking a massive toll on my life because I cant find a job, so instead of convincing my anxiety to deal and go out and try to have fun my anxiety convinces me Im broke i cant afford it and dont deserve it since I still cant find a job.
Did get a call back last week...just to tell me I am over qualified for the job and that the job is only handed out through employees already there. OKAY so why did you call and waste my time and they hell is your company add up on a job site? I am officially at a loss outside of stripping and prostitution which my bf would obviously leave me over and I dont have the self esteem to do either any ways. (i know people say strippers have no self esteem, but im sorry you have to think some what highly of yourself and your looks to go out there and out on a good show)
If I wouldnt get locked up for walking around pulling out my hair and screaming at the top of my lungs that is what I would be doing right now, but instead i am here fighting to keep a happy face and trying to keep taers down in place of those silent screams ricocheting off my mind.
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