Stress of the hopeless

Oh beautiful stress how you make me want to rip out my emotional core and kill it. I am so over stressed that I just want to cry. My social anxiety is taking a massive toll on my life because I cant find a job, so instead of convincing my anxiety to deal and go out and try to have fun my anxiety convinces me Im broke i cant afford it and dont deserve it since I still cant find a job.

Did get a call back last week...just to tell me I am over qualified for the job and that the job is only handed out through employees already there. OKAY so why did you call and waste my time and they hell is your company add up on a job site? I am officially at a loss outside of stripping and prostitution which my bf would obviously leave me over and I dont have the self esteem to do either any ways.  (i know people say strippers have no self esteem, but im sorry you have to think some what highly of yourself and your looks to go out there and out on a good show)

If I wouldnt get locked up for walking around pulling out my hair and screaming at the top of my lungs that is what I would be doing right now, but instead i am here fighting to keep a happy face and trying to keep taers down in place of those silent screams ricocheting off my mind.